The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

The Five Love LanguagesAs I continue with the series The Five Love Languages on Sunday based on the book by the same name written by Gary Chapman, we looked at “words of affirmation.”

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” If we take Mark Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional “love-tank” at the operational level. You, or your spouse, and I, will probably need many more than that!

Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Haven’t we all, at some time or other, felt that we just weren’t being appreciated – that we were simply being taken for granted?

Let’s look at the word “affirmation.” To affirm something means to confirm its truth and to strengthen it. So when we says words of affirmation to someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation they are feeling loved and appreciated. Their love tank is being filled. Words of affirmation may be as simple as “you look great today.”

There are other types of affirmations. Words of appreciation…to appreciate something means to put extra value in it. When we say words of appreciation we are adding value to that person’s life – the value they have for themselves and the value they add to our lives. Words of appreciation also fill the love tank of those whose love language is words of affirmation.

There is another type of words also which we should be speaking to those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation and they are encouraging words. The word ‘en-courage’ means ‘ to make courageous’. When we speak encouraging words we are putting courage into the other. And most of us need courage, don’t we? Life has a way of draining it out of us! We get our knocks and bruises in life – and it’s easy to withdraw from the challenging edge of life, and take shelter on the sideline. When we speak words of encouragement we are giving the other that extra energy – extra courage – to do something, to release some untapped potential in some area of their life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words which they otherwise probably would never do, without your support. That extra courage will make them feel loved – and their love-tank level will rise.

Thoughts for you to ponder this week might be:

  • How might I ‘learn’ to speak another “Love Language”?
  • On a scale of 0 – 10 how important is it to receive words of affirmation from someone you care about?


Join me next Sunday as we explore the love language of “Quality Time.”

You are a blessing in my life,
Rev. Pat

The Five Love Languages: Keeping Your Love Tank Full

The Five Love LanguagesToday I began a new series based on the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. The Five Love Languages is a revolutionary concept, because, once grasped, people begin to express and experience love like they never have before.

Marriages, families, and friendships can be healed and reach new heights by paying attention to and applying the principles of the five love languages.

This revolutionary concept helps people understand how to keep their “love tank” filled up. It also helps them understand how to effectively and appropriately love those they relate to according to the love language preferences of others.

Chapman says: Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary or native language. Later we learn additional languages – but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language.

He goes on to say…

If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.

Like human languages, love is a language that we must learn and communicate. For us to have the kind of relationships that nurture and fill us it is important to learn the love language of our partners, children, and co-workers. Once we learn them the next step is to communicate with them in their love language.

Dr. Chapman has identified five different love languages. They are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch


For the next five weeks I will be sharing on each of these so that you can identify your own love language and hopefully begin to see the love language of those in your life who matter to you.

You are a blessing in my life,
Rev. Pat

I Have a Dream

In the service this past Sunday I honored Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in celebration of his birthday. I had someone share with me after the service with tears in her eyes that she marched with Dr. King in Boston when she was ten. I can only imagine how that has impacted her life.

In December of 1964, upon accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, Martin Luther King said: “Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.”

To me, Martin Luther King stood for LOVE and was committed to peace, equality, and nonviolence. He believed that we are all one in Christ Jesus.

He said in a Christmas Sermon on Peace delivered in December of 1967: “. . .When we truly believe in the sacredness of human [life], we won’t exploit people, we won’t trample over people with the iron feet of oppression, we won’t kill [anymore].”

Later in that Christmas speech he went on to say: “No individual can live alone; no nation can live alone, and as long as we try, the more we are going to have war in this world. . .We must either learn to live together as brothers [and sisters] or we are all going to perish as fools.” Are you willing to take the words of Dr. King and put on the eyes of the Christ and through those eyes see LOVE?

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The pure, unadulterated love of one person can nullify the hatred of millions.”

When we remember who we are…”You are a soul that has forgotten its divine identity; a soul now struggling to remember. . .that you are the living son [the living daughter] of the living God” as told to us by Imelda Shanklin in her book,What Are You?, we then cannot deny that we are a precious and beloved child of God, created in the image and the likeness of God, which is spiritual and which is LOVE.

Be committed to the activity of God’s love which is the truth of who you are. And as you express God’s love in everything you say and do, you will be able to shout at the top of your voice: “Free at last! Free at last! Great God Almighty, I am free at last!”

You are a blessing in my life,
Rev. Pat

The Star of Joy

star of joyWe are now midway through January 2014 and only 64 days until Spring.  That sends my joy-o-meter up. This past Sunday my talk was on joy and the invitation to all is to make sure you keep your joy-o-meter up to the optimum level. I used the analogy of the temperature gauge on your car dashboard needs to be at a certain temperature for the car to run efficiently. The same is true for our joy-o-meter. It needs to be functioning at optimum in order for us to be having a happy, productive life.

The star was used as the symbol for Joy. It is a beautiful symbol of Christmas.  It majestically dominates the Bethlehem landscape and because of the joy the wise men experienced as the star guided them to the manger of the Christ child.

“When they saw the star, the wise men rejoiced with exceeding great joy.” -Matthew 2:10

The star of joy has five points:

Point #1 – Conceive

“The virgin shall conceive and bear a Son … and shall call Him Immanuel  – God with us.” -Isaiah 7:14

Unity Principle #1 – God is absolute good, everywhere present. Webster’s dictionary describes the word “conceive” ‘as to cause to begin .. to imagine, image.’ Great joy comes when you begin to conceive that with God all things are possible.  With God’s help you can now conceive, imagine, and visualize the Christ awakening in your mind and heart and filling you with JOY.

Point #2 -Receive

“Behold, the star shone over where the young Child was, and when the wisemen saw the Holy Child, they fell down and worshiped Him.” -Matthew 2:9, 10

Unity Principle #2 – Human beings have a spark of divinity within them, the Christ spirit within. Their very essence is of God, and therefore they are also inherently good.

Jesus the Christ came into the world to teach us a life of joy. Have you received his teachings?  Have you received the love of the Christ in your heart and mind?

Point #3 – Believe

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy in believing.” -Romans 15:13

Unity Principle #3 – Human beings create their experiences by the activity of their thinking. Everything in the manifest realm has its beginning in thought.

Believe that God promises to act on your faith when you believe. When faith is weak, joy fades.

Point #4 – Relieve

“I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.”  John 12:46

Unity Principle #4 – Prayer is creative thinking that heightens the connection with God-Mind and therefore brings forth wisdom, healing, prosperity, and everything good.

Joy comes when you relieve your mind from all negative thoughts. Fear, hate, doubt, suspicion, hostility, unbelief-all of these are negative forces that rob you of joy. Faith does not harmonize with any of these negative emotions, so you must relieve your mind of them.

Point #5 -ACT-chieve

This thing I have spoken to you, that your joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” – John 15:11

Unity Principle #5 – Knowing and understanding the laws of life, also called truth, are not enough. A person must also live the truth that he or she knows.

ACT! Be like a sprinkler head and let the water of joy flow through you.

What are your dreams? What would you like to achieve? What could you do that would bring you great joy? Do it! Dare to be a dreamer and then dare to ACT!

Write down one of your dreams, that when accomplished would bring you joy:

Now write down the first step you must take to ACT-chieve your dream. Now, do it with God’s help.

It takes all five. Live by them and the joy of the Lord will fill you to overflowing.

You are a blessing in my life,
Rev. Pat

A Clean White Slate

Happy New Year! 2014 arrived with a blast of cold air the likes we haven’t seen in a very long time. I trust you were able to get through it with little or no difficulty.

In spite of the cold we had a wonderful turnout for our Burning Bowl service and the White Stone Ceremony as well.

white stoneThe talk on Sunday was titled “A Clean Slate,” and that is how I view moving into a new year. We have a clean slate. You have 365 new days to begin a new YOU! Someone penned a poem that says clearly what it is to have a clean slate:

And now I have my New Year book to fill;

No Word yet penned in it,

nor any blot upon the white sheets,

the pages still uncut, though dated day by day.

Just what they will record,

God only can foretell —

What will you record in your New Year’s book?

Do you plan to make any changes?

  • Weight Watchers
  • Memberships at gyms
  • Volunteerism


The American educator Horace Mann described the predicament of habits saying: Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it every day, and at last we cannot break it.”

Mr. Mann, you are only half right. Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it every day, but it can be broken? We can be liberated from whatever it is we want to leave behind.

You have a Power within that can lift you out of any habit that is stopping you from being all that you came here to be, and free you to go out into the world and be the demonstration of God’s love and life. It can throw open the prison door and liberate the captive. This Power can do for you that which is probably the most important thing of all in your present stage: it can find your true place in life, and put you into it.

This Power is really no less than the primal Power of Being, and to discover this Power is the divine birthright of all humankind. Our elder brother and Wayshower Jesus the Christ told of this power and where to find it:

…the kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21).

…seek ye first the kingdom of God…and all these things shall be added…(Matthew 6:33)

Our foundational statement in Unity is “There is only One Presence and One Power in the Universe and in my life, God the Good Omnipotent.”

So as you go forward into this year breaking some of the habits that you no longer want to be associated with know that you have a Power greater than yourself working on your behalf. All you have to do is call on it. This Power is stronger than electricity, more potent than any explosives, and is unlimited and inexhaustible. Once you make the decision to turn your habit(s) over to the tireless One, the All-Powerful, the All-Wise, the All-Resourceful One you are now ready to begin a NEW!

Again from scripture Matthew 19:26: With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. I am paraphrasing now “with you alone breaking the habit is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”

You are a blessing in my life,
Rev. Pat